


fitting

by tamagos



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Growing Up, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-08 12:25:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11646528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tamagos/pseuds/tamagos
Summary: It’s insecurity maybe, but Seonho is starting to think that he’ll never catch up to Guanlin who shines so brightly, who is everyone’s star. And rather than holding on, letting go is probably more fitting. So he does.





	fitting

If there is something Yoo Seonho lets himself be slightly snobby about, it is that out of everyone he’s known Lai Guanlin the longest, knows him the best. That Guanlin can be surrounded by people demanding his time and attention but when the day is done he’ll stay make time to put up with Seonho’s tired whines about how hard the day has been, sit opposite him in some 24 hour fast food joint looking at him stuff his mouth enthusiastically with soggy fries.

 

It’s the privilege of being childhood friends, of being the one using a weird blend of hand signals and poorly mastered English to teach Guanlin Korean when he first moved to their town. Of being the first person to befriend him when he was in elementary school despite being in the year below, spending way too much time running outside getting all dirty the moment they were done with their homework.

 

Still, Seonho can’t help but miss the past times when they were in the same school, when all he had to do was run down the corridor to annoy Guanlin and eat half his lunch. So he’s pretty excited when finally, finally (even though it’s only been a year) he gets to move up to high school and join Guanlin. He’s heard lots about it, knows that it’s not an easy high school to get into but it’s still a much bigger place than their small neighbourhood school where he’s known everyone there since he was nine. That’ll the subjects get harder so he’ll have to study more, but the after school activities also get better. He’s already had his heart set on the basketball club, pretty much after Guanlin confirmed for the 10th time that there was absolutely no eating club, only a cooking one. And call him greedy, but Seonho much prefers his food pre-cooked.

 

So blame him if he entered in a slight tizzy of excitement, anticipation for a great high school life, which the movies make out to be _so glamourous!_ Kill him, he actually thought he was going to make long lasting friendships, undergo personal growth and maybe find _L-O-V-E._

Instead what he’s dealt with is super crowded hallways, people talking way too loudly (or that may just be Ahn Hyeungseop) and a forever over-stretched cafeteria. High school is _huge,_ and he’s gotten lost trying to get from Block A to Block F more times than he is proud of mentioning. Classes are even harder, and Seonho’s stressed out because in his middle school he was considered pretty bright. Here he’s just another face in the crowd, getting drowned out by everyone else who just seems so _smart and handsome and cool._

Although he doesn’t mention it, high school is doing quite a number to his self-confidence. Childishly he’d pretty much believed that he was kind of smart (Lee Daehwi is smarter), pretty funny (Yoon Jisung is _hilarious)_ and quite sporty (but have seen Kang Daniel’s body? Sick).

 

The worst part isn’t quite that he hasn’t found a place in high school (because he’s made pretty fast friends with Daehwi and Jinyoung, at least, when they’re not all draped up on each other’s laps engaging in gross mushy talk). It isn’t that he’s not as outstanding as he was in middle school (Seonho acknowledges that Vice-President of the Student Body and Vice-Captain of the Basketball Club is a hard act to beat and will not even _dream_ of attempting it in a school this big).

 

It’s that in middle school he seemed to match up pretty well with Guanlin, but here it’s plain as day that Guanlin-hyung is so much _better,_ so much _cooler_ and so far away from Seonho that they might as well not know each other.

 

Seonho remembers joking about it last time when Guanlin became the Captain of the Basketball Club in middle school, that Guanlin was a _superstar_ and he’d never been able to match it. But then the differences weren’t so obvious, that sure Guanlin was taller and scored more points _but Seonho could too._ That Guanlin was more popular _but Seonho wasn’t too shabby either._ And yes, Guanlin stood out at shone but it wasn’t as if Seonho was some shadow loitering in the difference.

 

But that’s changed. Everything has all changed, because when Guanlin finds him during lunch break to introduce him to his high school friends Seonho can’t help but compare himself against them and wonder why Guanlin even bothers putting up with him anymore.

 

There’s Kang Daniel, whom half the girls are swooning after, and Park Jihoon whom the other half the girls are swooning after. There’s Ong Seungwoo who’s famous even _outside_ of high school. There’s Yoon Jisung who’s a honest-to-goodness radio host and Park Woojin who’s a legit YouTube star _and making cash off that shit._

 

And there’s Lai Guanlin, who sits next to them and looks _perfectly_ in place. Like he’s one of them, because he is. Seonho has heard all of it, the girls in his year gossiping about _how handsome Guanlin-oppa is_ and all trying to get his number and date him.

 

“Guanlin is such an ideal boyfriend, isn’t he?” One girl asks when she hears through the grapevine that Seonho and Guanlin were from the same small middle school. Not that they were good friends or sort-of-neighbours, that they were _schoolmates._

 

Although Seonho says yes and proceeds to sing praises about Guanlin (that are all 200% true) he can’t help but think that perhaps that’s the truth. What’s gone is gone, the past is the past. They’re nothing but schoolmates now, and as far as everyone is concerned they might as well just have been only schoolmates before.

 

\---

It’s funny. Although now they’re physically much closer than they were last year, Seonho can’t bring himself to find Guanlin like how he used to. Seonho is perfectly aware that if he just climbs up the stairs and walks past two classrooms he’d be able to find Guanlin probably sleeping in homeroom, but after he stupidly tried it on the third day of school to see Guanlin having a great time with his friends that are all blindingly bright and so much _better_ than him, Seonho hasn’t tried a second time. He isn’t such a sucker for punishment.

 

It hurts, he supposes while sitting on the benches by the basketball courts with a mop in hand. He’d imagined it to go much more differently, for him to find himself fitting right back into Guanlin’s life like in middle school. A year isn’t that long, it’s not as if Guanlin moved back to Taiwan and lost 80% of his Korean speaking ability. Hell, they met about every two weeks to eat soggy fries together after basketball practice.

 

Except a year might as well been forever, because now Guanlin is so far away from him he can’t even catch him. That Seonho even made it into the basketball club is a miracle in itself, because he _recognizes_ the kids in his year trying out for it too and he’s gotten whipped by them on court multiple times in middle school. So while Guanlin is on the court getting instructed by the coach to practice more free throws, Seonho is tasked with the Important Task of being the Hydration Specialist. Which means he fills the water bottles. And also mops the floors when there’s too much sweat on it.

 

The difference in level is too great. Lai Guanlin is a really adored student who’s cool both on the court with his slick moves and in class where he’s always impressing with his presentations.

 

Yoo Seonho? He’s only gotten semi-notorious because Lee Gunhee told the entire cohort of first years that he can finish the (bland) school lunch in five minutes flat and go back for seconds.

 

So while Guanlin gets all the enthusiastic cheers and love letters, Seonho just gets a bunch of kids asking if he’s interested in eating their unwanted school lunch. (The answer is _no,_ by the way. He’s already helping both Daehwi and Jinyoung, his stomach, contrary to popular belief, is _not_ a bottomless pit. It merely has a very deep bottom, and Seonho would like to put tastier food in it).

 

He’s resolved not to be pathetic about it, not go crying to Guanlin about how _small_ he feels because he’s supposed to Grow Up and Mature and Man Up. That way he can at least tick off the life-long friendships (Daehwi and Jinyoung are very sticky friends) and Personal Growth segments. Really, Guanlin has more important things to do with his time then eat soggy friends and hear Seonho vent his frustrations. He must have so _young_ and _stupid_ and _petty_ to Guanlin.

 

Childhood is kind of over anyway, so childhood friends don’t hold much weight against super cool teenagers who are exactly the popular kids. And rather than becoming Guanlin’s dead weight, Seonho figures pulling away is better. He’s always known, Guanlin is the superstar. And if Seonho isn’t going to be one, it’s kind of pointless to have a fan’s heart and keep pining away at the impossible.

 

\---

In short, Seonho doesn’t really like high school very much, hell, he doesn’t like growing up very much. Last time he could stuff two burgers into his mouth at the same time and get sauce all over his mouth without people staring at him as if he’s crazy, but now he’s a Young Adult and needs to learn Table Manners. Which includes not speaking with his mouth full, which is Awful. Eating with good company is one of the joys of life, why waste time with these people _not talking?_ Society is weird.

 

Rather than be a sore thumb and try to get attention of unattainable seniors who have the entire student body captivated, Seonho decides to not make such a fool out of himself and hang out with Daehwi and Jinyoung instead. On their encouragement he decides to join the History Club that Minhyun-hyung is in charge of, which is basically a flimsy excuse of a club that watches alien documentaries on History Channel.

 

Nothing quite as sexy as the hyper-competitive and high-achieving Basketball Club, but for once it’s nice to sit amongst his friends, eat too much food without being judged and not feel like an inferior loser. It’s nice to not be yelled at by the coach to mop the floor faster, to be scolded when he misses the easy pass _again_ because he’s under so much pressure. For once it feels like he fits in, because even though Minhyun is really handsome he’s kind of easy to talk to and bully. Daehwi’s run him ragged more than once, and it’s rubbing off Jinyoung, that brat.  

 

Seonho still wants, though. He still misses spending time with Guanlin, who doesn’t say much but expresses a lot. Although he always opens his mouth and keeps talking about what good childhood friends they are, Seonho is somewhat sure that he feels the heart-fluttery feelings that movies use between the two leads before they kiss towards Guanlin. He won’t call that love, because he’s learnt enough to know that Romeo and Juliet hooked up when they were about his age and ended up killing both families in three days and that was _DUMB._ And probably not love.

 

It’s hard to push it back sometimes, when Guanlin is wiping his sweat and pushing his hair back when he starts getting competitive and Seonho’s fan heart has grinded to a halt and is all _squeeeeeee_. When Guanlin (occasionally) remembers that they used to be friends and wraps his arms around his shoulders, feeds him squashed muesli bars from the inside of his gym bag that have probably stewing there for months but Seonho doesn’t care.

 

Sometimes Seonho would like to not care at all, to walk up to Guanlin’s _Cool Guys Of School_ table and lie in his lap, whine and eat all his food and then demand more. Gush like Guanlin’s seemingly endless fangirls about how cute he is, how handsome he is, how attractive he is. Go up and just hug him like he used to, get all possessive that Guanlin is _his_ like in elementary school and make sure the entire school knows about it.

 

But he can’t, because Guanlin is not his. And will never be his.

 

Seonho will not ruin this. Seonho will not become possessive like he is over all his friends; Seonho will not rush up to him and peskily demand affection and time from Guanlin. It’s hard for Guanlin to fit in being foreign and all, and he’s seen Guanlin get hurt by cruel words he didn’t understand but still _felt_ in elementary school where the kids made him feel like he didn’t belong.

 

Now when Guanlin is fitting in so perfectly, became a school superstar like Seonho always said he would, he’s not going to destroy Guanlin’s cool reputation, never going to spoil the pedestal everyone seems to be putting him on because he’s honestly not _thaaaaaaaaat_ cool. And even if he misses it, misses the time they spent together, misses _Guanlin,_ it’s okay.

 

It will have to be.

 

\---

 

Seonho supposes it’s not strange that he ends up spending lots of time with Minhyun hyung. He feels comfortable in the History Club room, likes lazing around and lying on his stomach eating and doing work before going home when Basketball practice ends for the school team, because kill him, he still likes to _feel_ as if he’s close to Guanlin. So he leaves school a little earlier and does his mum’s grocery shopping in the supermarket and comes out, acting as if it was a _total coincidence_ that he’s bumped into Guanlin again.

 

Although he keeps telling himself he’s got to stop that bullshit and let go of Guanlin, he can’t bring himself to. It’s hard to let go of someone you’ve spent so much time with, tough to distance yourself from someone who makes everything feel okay with the world when he smiles. So Seonho lies to himself and tells himself _tomorrow,_ but like the eternal procrastinator he is tomorrow never comes.

 

School slowly becomes better as the days go by. Seonho’s no longer getting lost in school, has figured out which lunch menus are the tastiest and is doing pretty well in class. As the basketball season draws closer, Seonho’s finding himself spending _even_ more time in the History Club room, which is not a bad thing as Minhyun is quite a good teacher. On his part, Minhyun claims it’s only because his boyfriend, a certain Kim Jonghyun, more commonly known as The Ultimate Student Council President, insists in nothing but A’s from him. (Seonho always teases Minhyun for being Whipped, but he’s seen Jonghyun come pick him up and knows the Whipped-ness is Mutual).

 

It’s very far from perfect, but Seonho’s feeling much better. He’s making more friends, even Gunhee who he realizes means no harm, he just can’t keep his mouth shut. Although the Basketball Club seniors are still shine way too bright, he’s seen enough of Kang Daniel and Ong Seungwoo making heart eyes at each other and getting locked in the sports equipment by accident when they get too involved in kissing to remember to keep the metal gate open. Seonho’s been pinged too many times on his phone by a very guilty Daniel to _quietly come with the keys to the equipment room and don’t laugh!!!! I’ll treat you to food : > _to ever believe that they are cool hyungs again.

 

It’s taken a while, but finally Seonho feels like he can settle down and finally enjoying that reckless first-year-freshman feelings, go out with friends and stuff himself full while feeling little remorse to his grades because they won’t really matter towards university applications. It isn’t quite a scary or lonely as he’d originally made it out to be, just different.

 

Instead of Guanlin nagging at him about his (poor) habits of stuffing all the food into his mouth and eating to damn fast, now it’s Minhyun trying (and falling) to control the amount of food Seonho consumes in History Club. Its Jinyoung competing with Seonho on who can eat more fried chicken drumsticks (Seonho wins, obviously), its Daehwi clicking his tongue when the ketchup inevitably lands on Seonho’s white uniform tee and stains it. It’s Seongwoo being pressured into treating Seonho to food (again) on threat of keeping both him and Daniel locked inside the sports equipment cages, and Daniel is now in charge of supplying the miscellaneous snacks Seonho munches on while the rest of the Basketball Club, well, plays basketball.

 

And it’s Jisung who asks him after practice whether he’s feeling tired or not, showering him with frankly excessive concern. That one is really the most different, because Jisung shows his sticky affection for juniors through lots of sweet words and skinship, while Guanlin doesn’t necessarily show it at all. A calming touch to the back, a short question with a worried expression, that’s all. Even that’s asking for a lot of emotion out of the slightly cold boy.

 

Really, how the hell did Guanlin have the time and patience to do all those things with Seonho last time? Seonho figures he must have been a Burden. Well, he’s not going to be one any longer. _It’s not as if Guanlin is going to let him be like that any longer, honestly._

 

Maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be, he’s supposed to find another place where he fits well. Without Guanlin, because Guanlin’s already a perfect fit, scratch that, he’s the pattern people fit themselves around. Because Seonho can feel himself getting further and further away from Guanlin, the way two childhood friends who’ve grown apart do in movies.

 

Welp, Seonho hopes they don’t end up as some mad-scientist-created-sworn-enemies like in the movies. Because Guanlin would _obviously_ be the main character, leaving Seonho to be the crazy evil one that gets to die in the ditch. And Seonho would like to live, considering he’s finally found another place where he belongs.

 

\---

 

Basketball practice has ended later than normal today due to the upcoming competition, meaning Seonho has scrubbed the court more times than regular and his slightly scrawny teenage frame is _tired._

“Good work today Seonho! Are you ready for season to start?” Jisung asks while they clear the court.

 

Seonho shrugs. Season doesn’t mean that much to him, he won’t even get to go down to some of the matches because the first-years have some optional classes during the afternoon, which aren’t more important than the preliminary matches according to the administration. Jisung ruffles his head while cooing about _what a cutie_ he is. Seonho kind of wants to laugh at that, because Gunhee, the symbol of unfiltered thought insists that _Jisung-hyung is like mentally five and totally has the cutest people-loving personality with enough love to make all seven billion inhabitants feel smothered by._ Seonho can’t bring himself to even disagree.

 

Daniel screams something about “Team dinner!!!” and it is then Seonho realizes that whoops, he had agreed to meet Minhyun and the other History Club members for dinner tonight. And he’s running pretty late, which is bad because Minhyun promised it would be on his buck and Seonho wants to eat his money’s worth. Quickly, he tells Jisung he won’t be able to make it for the dinner before grabbing his back and running out of the sports hall, because if he’s too late Daehwi is going to think the _worst_ and he is not looking forward to his hysterical calls about how _poor Seonho is kidnapped by scary people and we need to save him!_

Seonho still likes to think he is not young, stupid and greedy enough to walk into a shady van for free ice cream if someone offered it to him. Free flow fried chicken and pizza, however and Seonho will seriously think.

 

\--

 

“Where did Seonho go?” Guanlin asks when he comes back from returning the sports equipment. He’d seen the younger boy hastily run out of the hall earlier, which is strange because Seonho is never busy today. After all, it _is_ their tradition to eat soggy fries and talk on Wednesdays of every other week, even though this week is going to be just a little ruined by all the other noisy basketball boys making bad jokes.

 

“Dinner with Minhyun and the History Club. You didn’t know?”

 

Guanlin is _thisssss_ close to stamping his foot in frustration, but he’s not going to behave like a five year old. It’s one thing that he can’t text Seonho under the table to ditch the Basketball team and eat soggy fries at some other fast food outlet, it’s another thing that Seonho completely forgot about him and is now hanging out with other guys. (read: _Minhyun, who is what one of the guys debatably more handsome than him? Not cool??)_

 

Today is _their_ day.

Today is a day where Guanlin can have Seonho all to himself without feeling bad that he’s monopolizing Seonho’s time, that he’s trapping Seonho in and not letting him grow and make friends apart from himself. Really, it’s quite hard to let Seonho run around and make friends with all kinds of people whom Guanlin doesn’t know and sometimes finds difficult trusting, because _what if they’re out steal his cute little chick away from him?_ If Guanlin had his way he wouldn’t let Seonho out of his sight ever, but even he knows that’s creepy and way too possessive for someone who’s not even his boyfriend (yet!!!).

 

Still, he hasn’t expected this day where Seonho ignores him in favour of some other guys to come. Already he’s putting up with Daniel and Seongwoo having some kind of inside joke with Seonho that Guanlin can’t seem to get out of _any_ of them, stand behind while Jisung gets to ruffle his hair and fuss over him.

 

And all of Seonho’s new friends he doesn’t know about? That drives Guanlin absolutely crazy. At least he _knows_ that the basketball guys don’t see Seonho _that_ way, which is their loss because Seonho is the absolute cutest and most adorable person to have ever walked the face of the earth. He can’t be sure about the others. At least he’s figured out the big-mouthed guy who can’t ever seem to keep his mouth shut seems to be openly mooning over some other dancer guy in his year (Hwanwoong? Was that his name?) And the evil twins of the tiny-faced guy and the shocked bunny looking guy who take up too damn much of Seonho’s time seem to be more into each other than Seonho, which is both good and bad because when Guanlin wanted him to make friends, he did _not_ want to put Seonho through the life and times of third-wheeling.

 

But Minhyun. Man, Guanlin doesn’t know. He’s got the cold pretty boy aura around him and the people his year treat him like some kind of untouchable god. He doesn’t seem to talk much, but man, does Seonho _lurrvvveee_ the crap out of that no-good senior. He’s always bugging Minhyun to pay attention to him, buy him some food, steal the chocolate chip cookies out of his pocket. Guanlin’s petty, whatever.

 

The more Guanlin thinks about it the more frustrated he gets, which concludes in Guanlin stabbing the French fry viciously in the chili sauce.

 

“Guanlin?”

 

Nope. This can’t go on. He’s not going to let that slimy no-good narcissistic self-obsessed who only likes Seonho for his cuteness win over him. Guanlin’s waited for a long time, and while he thought he could wait longer he can’t just sit here while that Minhyun punk is busy making passes at his sweet chick. Screw patience. Guanlin is going to make sure that if,  _ifffff_ Yoo Seonho really wants to date this ancient old foggy with lousier muscles and shitty style, Guanlin is going to make damn sure it's because love is completely and totally blind and it's not because Seonho thinks he can't do any better. Which is stupid, and Seonho should really stop thinking so lowly of himself. 

 

After all, doesn't Lai Guanlin exist? 

**Author's Note:**

> ~there will probably be a sequel! it is true that cube chicks can't escape from food!~  
> ~tamagos rolling off~


End file.
